Yep, It’s official. I don’t know how to flirt.
I’ve roamed this planet for years, knowing that I was shy but also knowing that I possessed a sort-of Superman-like ability to summon the strength to flirt when craving male attention.
A little while ago my friend told me that I don’t flirt with guys and not only do I not flirt- but I simply couldn’t. This statement received the well constructed and witty response of “ppppsssssshhhhhhhhhhaaaaaa….. “ It was then followed by the longest moment of silence in human history. “I know how to flirt.” I didn’t. I was lying. I simply couldn’t face the truth that my long history of singledom can be attributed to something middle schoolers do.
Then a few days later I was hit with this reality. I was on the train and the guy that I have a super big crush on walked on. Instead of smiling and saying hi, my immediate response was “Oh look away. Look busy. Write something down.” I then sat for 20 min with my head down, scribble nothings in my notebook, and only looking up to pretend to ponder a thought, but really just to catch a glance of the hottie. This was it. The sad truth. I can’t flirt. Second graders who put worms down peoples shirts and throw mud on their crushes have more game than I do.
Later that night I drowned my sorrows in cheap beer at bars on Addison. I looked around and realized that the girls around me couldn’t flirt either. They just knew how to get drunk and throw themselves at men. A Its a bold tactic and there is more on this strategy of flirting to come…
