I came across this bakery the other day and I thought I would share.  Not only were the brownies re-DONK-uously delicious, but 50% of the profits go to help formerly homeless and disabled men, women, and children around Chicago.  They also take people who are out of work and trains them in baking, delivery, customer service, and packaging.  At least now when you break your diet,  you are doing it for a good cause.  Please check them out:

http://www.sweetmissgivings.com/

Chocolate and charity…how can you go wrong?

]]> http://chicagochronicles.wordpress.com/2009/09/01/i-eat-cupcakes-for-charity-sweet-miss-givings-bakery/feed/ 0 CardboardBaby Sweet Miss Givings http://chicagochronicles.wordpress.com/2009/08/25/please-visit-cardboardbaby/ http://chicagochronicles.wordpress.com/2009/08/25/please-visit-cardboardbaby/#comments Tue, 25 Aug 2009 18:48:17 +0000 newsipaidattentionto http://chicagochronicles.wordpress.com/?p=59 ]]> Chicago Chronicles is currently working on switching to CardboardBaby?  Why? Because people kept asking why I wasn’t writing about Chicago.  Anyway, check it out!

www.cardboardbaby.wordpress.com

thanks!

THE FULL ARTICLE HAS BEEN MOVED TO CARDBOARDBABY.COM:

http://cardboardbaby.wordpress.com/2009/08/20/buddyhollyglasses/

PLEASE CHECK IT OUT!

I finally made the leap into the world of online dating about 8 months ago.  My friend met her fiancee online and I thought to myself, “Well, maybe I can give it a shot.” Since I was out of date and out of a date I decided that things needed to change, PRONTO!  Armed with my wit and the best photographs that had been taken of me in the past year, I started a profile.  I thought for sure I would be considered a catch and since I don’t know how to flirt, I thought this would be so much easier to get men to talk to me.  It was.

However, the art of picking up a woman or even talking to one is completely lost on the men online.  Just because we’re online doesn’t mean you can talk about anything.  It most certainly does not give you the right to forget the art of “picking a woman up.”  You still have to approach me, make a good first impression, and generally get me to laugh.  If you wouldn’t use you’re opening e-mail line in a bar or at a party it is not going to work online.

As you can see, my general frustration with the online world is growing.  My #1 pet peeve with this is men who believe that Correcting my Grammar will get them a date.

“It’s not Jane Austin, its Jane Austen.  But, I think you’re profile is great and would like to get to know you more.  Maybe grab a drink and discuss the difference between verbs and adverbs.”

Oooohh, that one made my heart melt.  Seriously, how did you know I can’t resist a guy who points out a comma splice?  I mean it really does turn me on when you point out the difference between there and their.  Witch way to your place?  Tell me were that is and I’ll meet you their.

I know the first thing I look for when I go over to a man’s house is to make sure he has the following items on his shelf:

1) A current dictionary
2) A thesaurus
3) Their 7th grade English book

I can just imagine our first date together.  We go to dinner, you point out all the errors in the menu, I get up to go to the bathroom and then slip out the window.  After running in a dress and high heels I meet my friend Chuck for some fried chicken and beer.  I would love for someone to come up to me in a bar on Addison and open with:

“Well, you certainly look like a poor speller.”

I’d be his for the night.

I’ll put my frustration with this process aside and try and see it from the male point of view.  Okay, in 7th grade some boys might have been attracted to their English teacher and played that whole fantasy out in their heads.  But, lets be honest, it is a big leap you’re making to assume that every girl experienced this during their adolescents.  For starters you’re assuming that our English teacher was male (a long shot) and interested in both British Literature and the opposite sex (an even longer shot).  The teacher/student dynamic never really worked out for us.   Come to think of it this is probably the reason why you know you’re grammar better than me.  You paid attention in class in hopes of catching a smile from your forbidden love while I gazed lovingly across the room at Ryan Frendrich.  While in 7th grade English class you actually learned proper sentence structure,  I learned that if you as Ryan Frendrich to the dance he’ll say “No” then tell his friends, who will tell their friends, who will eventually make fun of you at the dance.

Bottom line online daters:  Correcting my grammer will not get you laid.

*By comedic effect I mean overall laziness, but figured because it was a blog about grammar I could get away with it.

In my naive brain, college would be the time where I would find myself and become hip.  These are the typical and downright unachievable goals of every college female.  It’s unrealistic to think that you can enjoy your interests while succumbing to the fashion trends of the entire nation.  Yet Cosmo made me think it was possible.  Not only would I have the power to help save the whales because I was one of seven sorority pledges into saving the planet’s waning eco-system, but could also do it in Lucky Jeans and a trendy Ann Taylor sweater.  Ha!  Cosmo also made me believe that I could afford such items which their retail schenangans of “These jeans cost $300….BUT these Lucky’s only cost $120.” Which somehow makes you feel as if you got a deal on a few pieces of fabric that cost half of your part-time paycheck.

I finally awoke from my magazine fog and realized that it is not just these contradictions and retail ploys that make me hate these magazines so much.  My contempt stems from multiple forms.  For purposes of this blog I have tried to narrow them down.  Here they are: 5 Reasons Why I Dislike Cosmo Magazine*.

1.  Be Yourself/Fit in with the Rest of America.

In any given edition, Cosmo features dating and fashion advice.  The two never mix.  On page 24 you’ll read:  “Boys will like you if you show them you have your own passions and desires.” and on page 124 you’ll find this advice:
“Be sure to wear yellow (it looks good on a first date!) and  everyone is wearing yellow this year.”

What?  No.  This specific advice is the reason why I spent half of my college years wearing Guess Jeans and attempting to talk  indie bands with Frat Boys I had nicknamed “Blue Lacoste Polo,” “Pink Lacoste Polo,” and “Yellow Lacoste Polo.”  Face it Cosmo, individuality and name brands don’t mix.

2.  Relationship Advice that only breeds insecurity.

Harsh?  Yes.  True?  Of course.  If you skim the pages of Cosmo’s website you will see articles with the following titles:

• Why Guys Dump Girls They Dig
• 8 Hints He’s a Player
• The Body Language of Liars
• Why Guys Cheat in the Summer
• What He’s Hiding From You

Not only are you feeding into the insecurities that all women have, but you’re essentially telling us to snoop, be suspicious, and that in all actuality my boyfriend is probably cheating on me.  Why? Why do you do this Cosmo?  I can only assume that so we break up and then move from seeking advice in your “Relationship” section to your “Dating Section.”  Which is number three on the list: Their Dating Advice.

3.  Inane Dating Advice

While rifling through How to Rock a First Date, I came across this little gem of advice:

Mirror neurons respond to sounds as well, so experiment with matching your cadence and tone to his. For example, if he speaks faster than you do, accelerate your tempo a bit.

Yep. In this article they tell you that echoing a man helps trigger his attraction towards you.  I tried it.  The guy was Australian so I mimicked an Australian accent.  We hit it off and I spent the next three months pretending I was from Perth.  Thanks Cosmo.  I bagged the guy, but it was all based in lies.

4. I can’t understand your hair advice.

*Note that I just use Cosmo as an example, but it can be interchanged with any female driven magazine out there.

Also:  Feel free to e-mail me with your thoughts or leave comments.  I would love to do interactive pieces with some of the readers of this blog!

I have been enamored with Fun.’s lead singer, Nate Ruess, since his days in The Format- a band that quickly captured my heart in 2003.  Despite the fact that I have spend the last six years in an unrequited love affair with Nate’s voice and lyrics, I was skeptical about Fun. – which is also comprised of Andrew Dost of Anthallo and Jack Antanoff of Steel Train. They decided to release “Benson Hedges” as their first demo about a year ago and because I had a rough live version of The Format singing the very same song, I put on my grungy face and decided Fun. would have to prove itself to me.  They did,  easily.

A majority of Chicago spent this last humid filled weekend squishing together at Lollapalooza, sledging through and pressing up against the sweat of strangers, while sitting through bands they didn’t really care about to see the one act they overpaid for… I spent it enjoying Fun.’s album AIM & IGNITE in various air conditioned rooms.  Yeah, I vote that I had the better weekend.

Album Cover of Aim and Ignite

Anyway, here’s my track by track review of Aim and Ignite.  I rank them all from 1-5 stars, pick out favorite lyrics, and try to describe the song the best I can.  It comes out Aug. 25.  Be sure to pick it up.

1.  Be Calm: A violin and string driven tune that captures the emotional tribulations of a mental break down.  The pace various in almost every line. A guitar, drums, and what in my mind is a Peter Pan whistle (but in all probability a Flute) contribute to the musical roller coaster.  The tension builds throughout the song which various voices chiming to heighten Nate’s need to Be Calm.  If you’ve ever lived through that momentary freak out, this song captures it so well.  Fantastic!
Best Lyric: “I always see you looking out your window.  After all you lost your band and left your mom.”
Part That Will Stick in Your Head: “Now every single crack, every penny that I pass says I should either leave or pick it up.  Now every single buck I made I’m saddled with bad luck that came.”
Stars: *****

2. Benson Hedges: I struggle with this song because I directly relate it to The Format.  I have to give them credit it though, it is up-beat.  The Gospel choir at the beginning is fabulous.  This song is heavy drums and electric guitar.  A piano chimes in around the second verse and you can already begin to feel the variety and creativity this whole album will bring.
Best Lyric: “believing the motel T.V. would bring me to safety, but between MTV and Mr. O’ Reilly I’ve come to find, that I cant be defined”
Parts that gonna stick in your head: “Now at least the birds are singing to me, what they’re trying to say I don’t know.  I think they come from the cold.”
Stars: ***

3. All The Pretty Girls: I think I love the lyrics and the chiming in of background vocals throughout the song the best.  I question the stringed instruments and wonder how much more I would love this song without them.  Call it my sappy connection to strings, but musically speaking, they set a specific mood in my mind.  In some ways I don’t think they fit.  Regardless, I find myself clapping, humming, and dancing to this song and often its just unintentional.  I go into a zone and realize that I’m clapping and singing lyrics that few people recognize.  On the bright side, it allows me to fit in with a bunch of people on the Redline.
Best Lyrics: “And this one doesn’t want to admit she’s falling in love.”
Part that gonna stick in your head: “Until their lips start to move and their friends talk music, I say I’ve never heard the tune.” (I dare you do try not to sing this.  The hand claps through this part are just so catchy.)
Stars: ****

4.  I Wanna Be The One (BaBaBa): Piano, horns, a great beat, and some beautiful lyrics.  This continues a trend that the music in the second verse is always so different than the foundation laid in the first.  It’s amazing how much these guys get away with.  If you haven’t figured out by this song that this album is not meant to be thrown on as background music by now, you’re gonna miss the whole album.
Best Lyric: “Cigarettes are raining hard, on the upper east side.”
Part that’s gonna get stuck in your head: The Beat.  BaBaBa was the original (and probably correct name) for this song.  You’ll be BaBaBaBaBa-ing all day long.
Stars: ****

5.  At Least I’m Not As Sad: A Rock song that seems to pick up the playground rhymes of your childhood.  Nate bounces his vocals off a female counter-part for a chiming back-and-forth feel.  Piano, horn, and drum filled sequences fill the rest.  After amping up the instruments it slows down to just vocals, pianos, and some strings as the lyrics begin to reflect on life.  The emptiness of sound meshes so beautifully with the lyrics about the trouble to open up, to love someone, and to allow others to be close to you is melancholy, profound, and emotionally riveting.  This is without a doubt one of the most perfected (and my favorite) parts of the entire album.
Best Lyric: “So I left, That is it. That’s my life, Nothing is sacred.I don’t keep friends,I keep acquainted, I’m not a prophet, But I’m here to profit.”
Part That’s gonna stick in your head: Same as Best Lyric.
Stars: ****

6. Light a Roman Candle with me: Every time this begins to play I feel like we should see Mary Tyler Moore driving in her car and arriving in Minneapolis.  Why?  I don’t know.  I do.  This song definitely starts out with a slower pace and has an extended instrument break between the first and second verse.  BUT again- What have I said about the second verse?  It changes and is amazing. I can only describe the song as mellow.  At the beginning Nate sings “Spend a lazy evening with me, just a lazy evening” which in many ways describes the song.   You’re just relaxed and enjoying yourself, but you can’t really understand why.
Best Lyric: ” At least we know that the sparks didn’t glow, but we owe it to ourselves to try so we aim and ignite.”
Part that’s gonna stick in your head: “If we were honest and both wrote a sonnet….”
Stars: *****

7.  Walking the Dog: Its pure fun (no pun intended) and makes you want to get up and dance.  I have nothing else to say because I’m to busy dancing and enjoying myself.
Best Lyric: ” How you lost your mind and your wrist got bruised And you wanted better love well it’s sleeping in your bedroom”
Part that’s gonna stick in your head: All of it.  For real.
Stars: *****

8.  Barlights: Another song that just makes me smile.  From the end part in “At Least I’m Not As Sad” to the end of this song I do not believe there is a flaw in this album.  You won’t skip a song, you’ll just play it, enjoy it, and do it again.  In the morning when I get ready, I’ve been listening to this stretch of songs. I just realized that while I try and pick out and describe the instruments it doesn’t matter because they change not only from track to track, but from verse to verse.  How can you not wake up to a song that sings “I feel Alive” with such bravado?  I love every time Nate goes to sing it.  The instruments just surround and uplift the words every time they leave Nate’s lips.  In a sappy way, it give you hope at the start of your day that everything is going to be enjoyable.
Best Lyric:  “One of us sings and one of us drinks and one of us has nothing at all.”
Part that’s gonna stick in your head: “I feel aliiiiivvvvveeeee!”
Stars: *****

9.  The Gambler: There are a few things that hinder The Gambler and stymie me from letting go and fully embracing it.  The first is my love for The Format’s On Your Porch.  No, I don’t think its fair that I judge it by how much I dig On Your Porch, but I wanted The Gambler to tug on my heartstrings just as much.  While it’s beautiful, I don’t relate to it in the same way.  I’m young, I’m not a parent, and I don’t have kids that moved away.  It speaks to a love that I have yet to know an therefore is hard to relate to. In some ways I also think this hinders the song from achieving its full potential because, as far as I am aware, Nate does not have kids nor has he experienced what he is singing about.  Gorgeous lyrics and piano drive the song, but that spark or that “it” thing that just makes you melt and feel the emotion of the song isn’t.
Best Lyric: “We’ve got 50 good years left to spend out in the garden, I don’t mean to beg your pardon but we should live until we die.”
Part that’s gonna get stuck in your head: The third verse: specifically:  And even though she moved away we always get calls from our daughter.
Stars: ***1/2

10. Take Your Time (Coming Home):  Oh the Na-Nas you will experience in this song are infectious!  Its almost 8 minutes long- clocking in at 7:51, but you would never know it.  A song like this is the perfect end to an album with such musical diversity.  Not only does it put a bow around the whole album, but it somehow concludes The Format’s Dog Problems with Nate speaking of forgiveness and shouting “It’s true, I’m through causing a scene.” It solidifies the difference between the two band and the journey he has gone through over the last six years.
Best Lyric: “Its a beautiful thing when  you love somebody, and I love somebody.”
Part that’s gonna get stuck in your head: The Guitar and piano riffs.  (Be prepared to bust out your air guitar or piano and pull one of this riffs)
Stars: *****

To sum it up- go buy the album, play it loud in any speaker system you may have, lay on your couch, soak it in, and enjoy the journey.  It is quality through and through.

OVERALL: *****

I’ve roamed this planet for years, knowing that I was shy but also knowing that I possessed a sort-of Superman-like ability to summon the strength to flirt when craving male attention.

A little while ago my friend told me that I don’t flirt with guys and not only do I not flirt- but I simply couldn’t.  This statement received the well constructed and witty response of “ppppsssssshhhhhhhhhhaaaaaa….. “  It was then followed by the longest moment of silence in human history.  “I know how to flirt.”  I didn’t.  I was lying.  I simply couldn’t face the truth that my long history of singledom can be attributed to something middle schoolers do.

Then a few days later I was hit with this reality.  I was on the train and the guy that I have a super big crush on walked on.  Instead of smiling and saying hi, my immediate response was “Oh look away.  Look busy. Write something down.” I then sat for 20 min with my head down, scribble nothings in my notebook, and only looking up to pretend to ponder a thought, but really just to catch a glance of the hottie.  This was it.  The sad truth. I can’t flirt.  Second graders who put worms down peoples shirts and throw mud on their crushes have more game than I do.

Later that night I drowned my sorrows in cheap beer at bars on Addison.  I looked around and realized that the girls around me couldn’t flirt either.  They just knew how to get drunk and throw themselves at men.  A Its a bold tactic and there is more on this strategy of flirting to come…

Oh,  how my new bedroom rejects romance with every turn.  I have a mattress that lies on the floor, my shelves and desk are made of scrap wood, and an”oh so feminine” extension cord runs the entire length of my new abode.  Why? Because my brain could not figure out how to fit my these items around an illogically placed radiator and still allow me to open my tiny closet door.  Oh the things I do for my not-so in fashion wardrobe!

You see on my small budget I can’t afford nice things and it really shows throughout my room.  My chair and small drawers were bought for a mere $13 total at the Brown Elephant.  Each item I brought home also showcases the paint color of their previous owners bedroom- blue and white.  I have a blue plaid comforter that I have owned since freshman year of college that has a red jungle juice stain that has been there since sophomore year of college.  My bed must be so alluring to any gentlemen caller.  I can just picture the semi-drunk conversation I would have with any man I bring home from a bar.

“Nice pink sheets.”

“Thanks.  They’re my hand me downs from my mothe–.”

And before I finish he’d be out the door, running back to his twenty-something bachelor pad that doesn’t have toilet paper and smells like feet.  Yes, this is the state of your typical post-college male housing and we women put up with it.  Why?  Because when we go home we know we’ll have something feminine, clean, an ____insert some fruit here_____ smelling place to exist.  I have no such thing to go home to in the morning and no such place to take the man I meet at the bar who 1) started the night off more interested in my friend than me and 2) is probably more into the idea of sleeping in a room with a homey feel to it than he ever was in me.  What a disappointing evening- for the both of us.

This morning I chatted with my mom, who called to check in about my new apartment.  “I like it” I said, “a lot more than the last one.” The conversation then proceeded in normal mother/daughter fashion.

“Are you seeing anyone?”

“No.”

She then dropped hints about wanting grandchildren, but not too soon because its important to practice safe sex and to only have babies when you’re ready.

Don’t worry mom, I’m not having sex.  My new bedroom is making sure of it.